♀ ξ¦ҝǽfįžđ ♂ Two Soulz Blended into One

Wednesday, June 30, 2010

When I first had a miscarriage in April 2010, I thought that it is the end of the world. I blame myself for everything and I felt so useless especially when I am almost bedridden. Silly me. Although the pregnancy only lasted me for 5-6 weeks only, I sure had a great time experiencing every single thing. I went for the traditional Malay massage for 3 times and my masseuse advised me not to conceive for the next 3 months. My heart sank when I heard that but I have to agree with her that I need to get myself recuperated back so that there won’t be any complications in the next pregnancy. And so, I did not think of getting pregnant again straight away. I just want to get better especially my backache which I suffered the most during the miscarriage period till I can’t walk. I’m grateful that I have supports from both my family and in-laws. I think without their supports, I would have been drowned with depression.

On 9th May 2010, I was waiting and hoping for my period to come but it didn’t. So I thought maybe after the miscarriage, my period would turn irregular and haywire. Told the hubs and he said to wait a few more days. Maybe it’s due to my miscarriage. I bluntly asked him what if I’m pregnant again. He told me that he didn’t want to put any high hopes unless it is confirm. From there I knew that the hubs is still sad over the previous pregnancy. I waited for the next 5 days, but it didn’t come yet. I was wondering why. I asked my mum and she too said, maybe due to my miscarriage. I thought heck, I will test for it next week if it didn’t come yet.

At night when I was about to have my shower, I have a sudden intuition to test for it. I think it’s the maternal instinct but I still would not want to put any high hopes. Since I have a spare of pregnancy test kit, I thought why not I just test it out now. Positive or negative, it doesn’t matter to me. As long as I know the result, I’m happy with it. So, I urine and test it using Clear Blue. I was closing my eyes throughout the process. I don’t know why, don’t ask me. When I open my eyes, to my astonishment it was a positive sign. I was in a state of denials for a mere 3 minutes and I thought that the test kit was faulty. I stare at it with my trembling hands. I quickly clean myself and ran out of the toilet.

Shouted out for my hubs and mum. My hubs thought I shouted his name cause’ there were cockroaches or something but when I showed him and mum my test kit, he turned blur. Both of them were shocked especially my hubs. He was in a state of denials for about 10 freaking minutes! Maybe because he didn’t expected me to conceive that fast. So to double confirm check again, the hubs went down to buy 2 more pregnancy test kit and both showed positive line. We were so grateful to Allah. We lost something but he replaced us with a new precious. Called MIL to inform and surprisingly MIL has suspected it already. She told us that for that one whole day, she felt nauseating and lost of appetite. She told my FIL that maybe I’m pregnant. Gosh! What a telepathy.

A week later mum suffered from a sudden stroke. She was admitted to hospital and I went to the hospital religiously. I think I overworked my body too much and I didn’t realize that I’m actually pregnant. I found spotting in the morning and my heart race 10000 times. Told the hubs and we quickly went to polyclinic for a check. My mind was not at ease. The doc instructed us to immediately go to hospital as it was a threatened abortion.

Went to A&E. Doc tried to do a vagina scan but could not detect any sac. I was 5 weeks pregnant then and it should show some sac but failed. Took Blood test and was wheeled to observation ward alone while waiting for the blood test results. A few hours later, a nurse came and told me that my HCG Level is very high and it just means that I’m pregnant. They wanted to do another ultrasound. If it can’t be seen again, I would have to go through an abortion as it will be an ectopic pregnancy. I was so tensed up and I’m shivering to myself. I told myself repeatedly that I don’t want to lose this little precious of mine again. NOT again.

I was wheeled to Antenatal Diagnostic Centre. Hubs was there with me and I know he is so worried too but tries to look calm. Went in for another vagina scan and this time it was done by a professor. 5 minutes later, they confirm that they found a small sac. I was so thankful to Allah for answering to my prayers and heave a sigh of relief. Hubs was so delighted with the news and his face perks up at an instant. I was discharged from A&E and while waiting for my medications, hubs was tearing. He said he can’t believe he’s going to be a father soon. =)

3 Weeks later I was to go for the 2nd check-up to see how baby is developing. Went in and I was so shocked to see baby has grown from a small sac to a small fetus. Showed hubs the printed sonogram and he was so happy. I just want to thank Allah for giving me this greatest gift to me and family. My mum has showed great progress and I hope she will recover fast. 1 more week before I can end my 1st trimester and I hope everything will goes on smoothly. Thank you Allah. =)

Left at 9:12 AM